#couplegoals Toxic?

 Why #couplegoals can be toxic, especially in the black community

We all seen the hashtag on social media. Even though it was somewhat of a joke back in the day, I have noticed this to be a trend now. 

Here’s why #couplegoals can be harmful.

We are painting an unrealistic view of marriage. You show me one perfect couple who gets along everyday and just thinks the world of their spouse 24/7. It doesn’t exist. I have not yet found a #couplegoals and here’s why. We are ALL different. Marriage is like a fingerprint. They are all different and unique. That’s why #couplegoals don’t exist. 

This is the problem we are having: people aren’t finding their ‘perfect person’ so they opt out of getting married altogether. They see perfection on social media, so they think perfection truly exists. I call this the ‘sitcom syndrome.’ I want what I see on tv. This is a big problem in the African American community. 20% of black women get married. This is percentages of women who have kids as well. Marriage is designed for holiness. If you desire to be intimate with someone, it’s only holy in marriage. Instead of marrying, they live their life not committing to one person and live a promiscuous life. 

Another problem I see with pursuing #couplegoals is you become afraid of resistance because you want to paint a picture of perfection. Instead of growing, you become stagnant. When you allow change you grow. When you hide things that may help an individual grow, you suppress change and years down the road, this can lead to divorce or even worse, infidelity. I see so many relationships where there is that one person that will hold back their feelings, and just let their spouse do as they please to keep peace. This will only lead to problems later down the road. Problem: when you don’t maintain your lawn, weeds will grow. That’s the same thing with marriage. Resistance is GOOD. Pressure makes diamonds. Growing pains allow growth. If you are the same person you were 20 years ago when you got married, THAT IS A PROBLEM. Marriage is the best thing that could have happened to my husband and I. We found a person that makes us better people! 

Marriage takes work. It’s the BEST GIFT God has given us. There’s not a year that goes by, that I’m thankful my husband and I didn’t give up on each other by selfishly not wanting to change for the better. It makes living together so much easier when we let go of our pride and stubbornness. 

Dang, so if not #couplegoals what advice would you give?

Put God first! He is our core.

Communicate! The best advice anyone can give a married couple. Communication is everything.

Another great tip is counseling! My husband and I did counseling 12 years AFTER we got married, and it would have prevented a lot of headaches over the years, lol.